I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
