you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
