I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
