Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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