We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
