Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
