just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
