Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
