masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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