He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
