I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
