Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
