well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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