Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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