Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't notice because vodka
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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