We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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