Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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