uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
