Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
