john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
