oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
