when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
