can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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