I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
