Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
