i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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