Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
