I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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