He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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