Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
