What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
