I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
