tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
