Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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