dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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