I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
