I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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