I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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