Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
