Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I looked at my own cervix.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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