How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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