I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
