It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
