Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
