Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
