Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
