Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
