When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
