Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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