is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
