i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
