Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
