Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
