In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
