Kiss
Puke
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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