My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
