Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.