Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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