I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
