You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
