He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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