I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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