boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
