btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
